List 3 - online profile dos and dont's

This post is the good, the bad, and the ugly from online (mostly dating) profiles. Okay, I'll be honest, it's mostly the bad and the ugly. I've been on a site to make some new friends - not eHarmony or Match.com, has a solid mix of singles and people in a relationship, looking to meet others with similar interests - and have come across some pretty ridiculous and hilarious things. So today's list will pay homage to those things. It's not fully writing-related, but if I ever write a character who does a lot of meeting people/online dating, I have done my research, ha!

Profiles:
Intros - I can't count how many profiles I've come across that start with something like "I really suck at filling these out..." or "I can't describe myself in a box like this..." Immediately I become more disinterested. Why are you on the site to meet people in this way if you don't like the format?

Cynical - I am probably not going to contact someone who keeps repeating in their profile "I don't think online dating works..." or "I don't know why I'm even here..." If you're not going to take it seriously, why should I take YOU seriously?

Punctuation - I don't mind using just lowercase, and misuse of periods and commas. I know, a writer who doesn't care? GASP. I am lazy in my casual speak because I have to be careful for work. But, the one thing I have a hard time with is every sentence ending with an exclamation mark (or no periods at all). Not all statements are worth excitement. "My ex stomped all over my heart!" That leads me to...

Baggage - It blows me away how many people talk about their exes, and how awful their exes are, or how they are on the site to get over an ex. WTF? I've mentioned that many people are on this site just to meet friends (I learned of it through a married person who meets people to play video games and RPGs with), but you want to bring the drama and baggage that early? To each their own I suppose.

Photos:
Club photos - I imagine this happens everywhere, but in Portland there is a series of dance clubs with photographers who take pics of the people inside and they have the label "napkin nights" or something like that. As soon as I see one of those photos, I am immediately uninterested. There are no better photos of you goofing around, on vacation, doing an activity? Hell, I'd even prefer the obligatory "myspace photo" - you know, the holding the camera at arms range, from above your head, making a sassy face. I don't know why these "napkin night" photos bug me. Maybe it's because I have zero interest in clubbing. I'm sure those photos are appealing to many others.

Fist pumps - Have you seen the Jersey Shore? I imagine you've heard of the fist-pumping phenomena. I've seen a number of these on profiles lately. I even came across one last night that had fist pumping and a napkin nights photo. WOW! I FOUND THE HOLY GRAIL!

Chicks - There's a ton of guys out there who post pictures of themselves between women's breasts on a dance floor, or being licked by women on the face, or other things. Sometimes they are pretty funny, but for me, I'm usually not interested if it's clear that someone needs/has/wants a ton of attention from women. Post those on Facebook, not your dating profile (most of these dudes make it clear on their profile they are looking for relationships). Tip #1, don't put a ton of pictures with you and other chicks if you are looking for a girlfriend. Same goes for chicks. Don't rant about how you want to be taken seriously and want to be loved for who you are, not your body - then make your profile picture a massive cleavage shot. Common sense, people!

Abs of steel - I know 90% of you will disagree with me, but as soon as I see a photo (usually headless) of some dude's pecs and abs...NEXT. No thanks. I'd MUCH rather see a guy in a fedora wearing a funky print shirt or cool jacket, or even a damn polo shirt popped collar, than see a dude's torso. But I guess if a guy is showing off his body so readily, he probably isn't interested in a girl who is just looking to make friend, eh? ;)

Messages:
Don't pay attention - My profile says I'm looking to make friends, not date. I don't want anyone to message me with different expectations, but every once in a while I get a message from someone interesting and they obviously didn't read my profile close enough to see what I'm looking for/interested in (it's in a callout box for crying out loud, you don't need to wade through paragraphs). They'll say something like "I'm just looking for a woman to come home to, someone to love, to care about..." yadda yadda. Dude, did you not see I'm just looking for friends? The first couple of times this happened, I thanked the person for their endearing message and replied that I'm just looking to make friends. And boy have I gotten chewed out. "Why are you on a dating site if you don't want to date?" Legitimate question, if this were eharmony. But there are a ton of married people and others in committed relationships who use this site to meet people with similar interests, and no, I'm not talking about swingers. For me personally, I am using it to make friends because I seemed to have lost most of my guy friends over the years. I used to have mostly male friends, I get along great with men as friends. But I have grown a circle of female friends. Love you all, but I miss some banter laced with testosterone ;)

Generic - I think a ton of people on these sites just send messages to a ton of people, hoping something sticks. If there's nothing that particularly addresses what I've said, or they have expressed something about them that constitutes something in common or a shared interest - pass.

Hey - This site also has an instant message feature. I turn it on once in a while to chat with friends who don't use other instant messengers (like AIM or yahoo). I'm bound to get contacts from people who do nothing but do a search for who is listed as "online now" and send them messages. About 90% of them just say "hey." Most of the time I don't reply, can't even add a "how are you" to that? Sometimes I just reply with "hey" to see what they do. If you're going to initiate contact, start a freaking conversation. I've even got a few messages (not IMs) that say "hey" with no subject line. Wow. That grabs my attention.

Not a match, but - I even got one message where I guy went on and on about how my profile kept popping up on his searches, but he didn't think we were a match. Umm...then why send a message?

Okay, let's talk about some of the good.
Animals - I love, love, love to see photos of people with their animals. Particularly dogs because I'm a dog person. I came across a profile a few months ago of a guy who had posted a pic of him and his cat that he had previously turned into a Christmas card, and included a comment bubble above the cat's head. It was hilarious. Showed a sense of humor, love of animals, and the fact that he took the time to make a Christmas card may mean he really likes holidays (turns out he does, and it's awesome).

Hilarity - I love funny profiles. They please me to no end. I take my sense of humor very seriously and it's the quality I look for first in a person. Those of you who know me well know how much I love to laugh. I often have to censor my sense of humor because it's too juvenile or weird. But to see through a profile, before having talked to a person, that you share a sense of humor is a great thing. I have come across a couple of people who seem to have an amazing sense of humor. I get so excited to message them. It sucks when you don't hear back, but when you do and if they are super funny (and think you're funny too), it's awesome. I love making funny friends.

Shared interests - I've come across a few people who share more obscure interests, either random TV shows or a love of something. Most people who know me know how much I adore Greek and Roman history and mythology. I love it enough that it's on my profile, and I get excited to see when others love it enough to put on theirs. I came across one person who said they wanted to live in a home in the English Countryside. Let's see, how fast can I type a message to say hello? ;)

Straight-up - I am instantly interested in profiles of people who admit their nerdiness or geekitude right off the bat. I appreciate those people. I don't like it when people are coy about it and who try to hide their inner-dork. EMBRACE IT, FOLKS!

And, after all these things, I'm not even going to look at my profile because I know I do a lot of dumb stuff ;) I'm especially wordy in my profile and my messages, well, the messages to people who look really interesting.

Wow this was long and ranty! Hopefully someone may get some use out of it ;)